Today marks Grandma's 8th death anniversary. Time has passed by a blink of an eye.
The last 2 Christmases sandwiched some bitter-sweet memories (all in God's grace), in the form of a relationship where I had experienced surprise, elation, fear, excitement, bewilderment, security, happiness, hope, fun, impressiveness, longing, attachment.. then came-- confusion, shock, disappointment, grief, deep sadness, emotional trauma, abandonment, some level of betrayal, etc. I could have imagined all these in my head to no one's making but they are real emotions, nevertheless. Even now I wished these would pass.. perhaps? (or when I breathe my last, i.e. when I stop being a human being!?) How I appreciate the peace of being away in solitude (escaped from reality) and experience full dependence on God, and being an "alien".. But well, it is truly grace that I went through the pain in order to experience growth, otherwise remaining as immature.
I am thankful for the re-discovery process of who I am in Christ, as increasing strength has found me, and new wisdom too. I trust more in God's plans; as I hope to be willing and ready with love in season and out of season (according to 1 Cor 13:4-8-- patient and kind; not envious or boastful; not arrogant or rude. Not insist on my own way; not irritable or resentful; Not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ..never ends), no matter who God brings into my life. To carry the yoke of Christ, to follow Him in his footsteps of communing with the Father, in living out a life of redemptive brokenness and living sacrifice.
Jesus, you are my true security. God! I once was lost (and still gets lost so often..) but each time I know I can be found. In the coming year, I look forward to new challenges, becoming 35. **laughter with tears**
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment